Week 3: 

TAKING THE LEAP INTO THE UNKNOWN!

Shawn mentioned a couple of weeks ago, to “boldly take the leap into the unknown and the spirit takes care of what happens from there to guide you.” 

This I find challenging and nerve-racking as I am wired to analyze everything and have been conditioned to become risk averse.

I am trying to actively decondition myself from this behavior rather to bring it to a balance. I do not want to throw out the baby with the bathwater. I think thinking and analyzing the risk is important but I hope to get better at thinking and then ACT quickly!

I have ADHD so my brain is naturally wired to act impulsively. But, I would like to again bring a balance, to try to think and then act. Jumping in a scene or to help my partner if they need, not to satisfy or be driven by ego. 

By being fully present and staying connected with my partner, I have experienced a sense of deep calmness and elegance, which is hard to explain. There have been few moments I have experienced and I would love to explore this much deeper.

With this present connected interplay between the players, I have noticed a sense of inner relaxation and it gives me a realization that I do not have to carry the burden of moving the story forward, we share it, we co-create it together. 

I hope doing that more often would help in building confidence and trust in myself to be able to jump into the unknown, into uncertainty. I would like my confidence to come from a calm state of being, from the spirit beyond intellect. 

When my mind gets involved, I start to overthink, critique everything and start thinking about the outcome. Stress builds and I am no longer Present. So what can I do to stay in the present to have a detached sense of awareness of everything around us? By focusing on the partner, but what if we get so drawn into the relationship that we forget to see all other offers? What if there are more than one scene partner, several pieces of information and details to remember? I will be exploring and working on these aspects for the next few weeks. 

These are some of the thoughts and questions I will continue to explore in the following weeks.