READY FOR THE NEXT STEP

2 SEPTEMBER 2023

1. As a followup on my last blog; I am much better. Thank you for asking.
   I. How did that happen? How do you get from superscared to not so scared anymore?
   C. I played a Micetro, at the Loose Moose theatre.
   I. That‘s it? That easy? It only took 1 show?
   C. Yeah. It kinda worked like a reset. I’ll tell you about it. And what else happened this week.

Loose Moose show
When getting prepared for stage I realised, that I was much less scared for the show then for class!
I fell back on my old way of thinking, which I somehow lost during these weeks. “This is it. What I know is what I know. What I am able to do, is what I am able to do. Who I am, is who I am. This show won’t change a thing about it. So let’s just have fun with it.” And I played my old fashioned me. Big on emotions and energy;  a little weird. But I went for it and enjoyed myself. Finally. Big breath out.  

Let’s be average
In a masterclass of Keith Johnstone in 2018, he told us to be average. “Don’t do your best. It will make you tense. The goal of doing your best is to be better then you are. The opposite will happen.” I never forgot that and it helped me through a lot in the last 7 years. Besides getting to understand growth mindset, which perfectly interacts as a theoretical fundament for practicing improvisation. Taking the development of CP IMPRO (my improv business) one step at a time.

My steps
Somehow I forgot this in these last weeks. Learning is about doing stuff you can’t do yet. Which makes you feel not enough. In the last 7 years I set the tempo and the size of the steps. Now all of a sudden, I was submitted to the size of steps, determined by someone else. It took me 4 weeks to realize, this is not true. I am still in charge.  These are still my steps to take. Big breath out.

Confidence
Now this week I had the first walk&talk with Shawn about how things are going. He complimented me with the show. It wasn’t bad. He put emphasis on where someone else failed moving the scene forward. Which made me realise I over-emphasize my responsibility for the scene. And he told me to stop under-scaling my storytelling skills. They’re not that bad. Maybe hearing the theory behind it, confuses me sometimes. But for a big part, I am unconsiously already doing it. He advised me to move my focus from my own feelings, to others on stage and what I could do to make them feel good. “You are ready for that and it will probably make you feel more confident.”

Huh. 
That’s interesting. What is happening here? Was I undermining myself al that time? Probably not. Let’s not shift to the other side of the spectrum! But they say there is a shift in someones life every 7 years. And this one makes sense to me.

Last 7 years
I started CP IMPRO as a beginner improviser. I had the nerve to do this, because I believed I really understood the essence of improv. I am not a beginner in life and many experiences came together in improv. Like how I was educated as a creative social worker and as an innovative trainer/coach. So I knew how to apply a creative tool in grouplearning and I knew how to present myself as a teacher. Like my years on theatreschool, where of course I learned a lot about theatre and dramaturgy or mis en scene. Like how life threw me off my feet and I improvised my way through it, step by step.

Improving me
Despite that, I was of course, as a player, a beginner. Since I started CP IMPRO, I spent all my time on improving my improv skills and mindset. My focus has been, indeed, very inwards. Me. I was the centre of descisions. What do I need to carry this forward? What am I able to offer? What do I want and what do I want to learn? More then, what do people or the local improvisers need? It was about keeping myself on the right track for professional improvisation. Which was important. I want this to work out on the long term. And for that I needed to learn and understand what I need to do this.

Helping others
But now. 7 years later. Maybe it’s time for the next step. To put the centre of my attention towards the outside world, more then my inner world. Trust that I have internalised the skill of taking care of myself. So I can move on. And maybe I am even skilled enough, to put my own development on the sidetrack. I will learn anyway in life just by being alive. And I will learn anyway in improv, just by improvising.

So, yes let’s! 
Let’s change my attentino outward and discover where that brings me!
I am ready.

If you want to read more about the class of last week? Follow me on: www.facebook.com/cpimpro